Yesterday was the half-way mark of this little blogging experiment. I have published a post every day (with three exceptions) for the past six months. In that time I’ve changed format twice, gone from random daily musings to structured daily categories to near silence. I’m sure you’ve noticed the dwindling quality of my posts. I’m certainly not proud of that.
I won’t attempt to make excuses, but I will give you a bit of explanation. The last year has been one of the hardest I’ve faced. I lost a good job and my circle of friends. I came out as bi, first to my best friends, then online, and finally to my family (who still don’t entirely believe me). So far as depressing stretches of time go, this has been a long one.
It’s also had good moments. Meeting (and getting a kiss from) Amanda Palmer. Telling my anxiety to STFU long enough to join the Dungeons and Dragons Encounters game at my LCBS. Buying and learning to play my ukulele. In the past few months I’ve written some pretty good fiction, and a few pretty good blog posts. I’ve lost thirteen pounds. I ran a 5K. I’ve gained self-confidence and found inner strength I thought was gone forever.
Right now, I don’t know if I want to continue publishing a post everyday. I know it has become something I do more out of obligation than want or need. At the moment it isn’t channeling my creativity – it’s spiking my anxiety. My fear is that if I let myself off the hook, if I admit that the experiment is a failure, I’ll stop posting altogether. Oh, I’ll promise myself I’ll write three or four posts a week, but that will quickly become two or three posts a month. That’s not what I want at all.
I also think it’s important to reevaluate my priorities. I’m still unemployed, actively seeking employment. That needs to be my focus. I thought my writing would get better (practice makes perfect, after all), but I’m afraid I got quantity over quality with no significant improvement.
I guess what I’m saying is that I need to take a hard look at what I’ve accomplished (or not) in the past six months, and make a decision from there. As soon as I figure it out, I’ll let you know. Until then, don’t forget to be awesome.